I'm Not Perfect

It feels like forever since I've felt like writing or painting.  This happens on occasion and the words simply aren't there or I can't be bothered to pick up a brush.
 To be honest, I simply get jammed up in my own head. I don't know if this happens to other people or not but I know for me..it happens a lot..getting jammed in my own head that is!!! I think far too much at times,  it hijacks my brain and robs me of my creativity. I can't help it..I'm a thinker.
Its frustrating because the very thing I know that brings me joy I can't tap into. The level of frustration I  equate it to is,  sitting with a rubicks cube , attempting for days to put that sucker together, ok who am I kidding , attempting for months with no success! Arrgh..FU@K!!
The most famous writers experience "writer's block" and painters don't feel like touching the canvas, it happens.
The more you fight it, the less it comes.  I don't fight it. I know it will come back because I trust my gift. I don't take it for granted.  I do feel pressure when the words don't come. I can't even begin to explain how the words come to me ..all I can say is when they come I have to stop everything.
I recently spent 5 wonderful  days back home with my best friend ,  exploring and sharing the culture in which I grew up. Sharing memories,  time at the ocean , in nature , moments with family and old friends , my heart was overflowing with joy.

Thankfully, my gift came back and shortly upon returning my heart was flooded with the following words:

I'm not perfect and that's ok
I've got people who love me 
Anyway
I'm not perfect and neither are you
Let's stop judging and shine on 
Thru
I'm not perfect and neither is my life
Ups and downs like a yo-yo guaranteed happiness throw in a little
Strife
I'm not perfect and neither is the world
Forever changing
Filled with hope
Tainted with badness
Glowing with desire
Edged in crazy
Embraced in hugs
Surrounded by beauty
I'm not perfect and that's ok 
I've got people who love me
Anyway
I'm not perfect 
But I love deeply thru it all.
Tracey ( August 2015)
Copywrite Yes You Can Coaching

Sometimes all we need to do is relax.  To step outside of our heads and let our hearts lead. Stop for a moment and breathe..slow the pace. Its not easy when every day life pressures want to keep you tied to the pace at which society thinks you should move. That's when you need to stop..remember your pace..remember what is important to you.
We all have a gift to share with the world..our purpose is to find it, embrace it , and allow it to bring us joy so that we can share it with others.

I hope you find your gift and share it with the world if you haven't already. Remember , when it gets lost , and believe me it will from time to time..hang in there..you will find it again. For those still searching to find their gift..if something brings you joy..keep exploring it.

Its one poem..I am grateful.

Next ..time to pick up the paint brush and see what comes.

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”
― Rumi

SMILE UPDATE: Love is the decision to make someone else’s problem your problem” Dr. Bob Magee.

2015 SMILE UPDATE :  My personal campaign has raised 14 smiles to date. There is still a way to go with time winding down for the Canadian campaign. My goal is to raise as many smiles as I can and join a mission again this year.

I am in awe at the incredible work Operation Smile is doing around the world, the Dr's and Nurses who donate their time each and every year to bring a smile to a child's face. 

To support my Campaign and make a secure donation please go to this location.

http://cdnsecure.operationsmile.org/site/TR/OneSmile/OneSmile_TeamRaiser?px=1003262&pg=personal&fr_id=1070

 JJMP Canada is well on its way to reaching the 200 Smile Goal. In fact, I have a feeling we will surpass that goal.  155 smiles raised as of last week, this is thanks to the wonderful people I have the pleasure to work with who are supporting multiple fundraisers. The end goal is to raise as much as we can so children receive these life changing surgeries around the world.

In addition J&J’s CEO Alex Gorsky accepted Operation Smile’s Corporate Humanitarian Award on behalf of thousands of J&J employees worldwide who have given their time to this special organization. An excerpt from the message Alex shared below:

“Happy. Proud. Friendly. Joyful.

Without words, our smiles can speak volumes — conveying positive emotions or signaling a knowing connection with another person. Yet every three minutes a child is born without the ability to smile because of a cleft lip or cleft palate. For children with such deformities who don’t readily have access to safe surgical care, their life journey is often paved with ridicule and isolation. But thanks to the incredible work of Operation Smile, the world’s largest medical charity of its kind providing free cleft surgery and care, and the incredible dedication of Johnson & Johnson employees, there is hope.

Over the past 27 years, Johnson & Johnson has donated $25 million to Operation Smile and we’ve sent more than 500 of our employees to volunteer on missions. During that time we’ve helped improve the lives of 100,000 patients and their families. What’s more, J&J is the exclusive provider of sutures used in every Operation Smile surgical mission. While I’m incredibly pleased by this partnership, I knew we could do even better. That’s why it was my great pleasure to announce during last week’s 13^th Annual Smile Event Gala that Johnson & Johnson will be committing $25 million more in financial and product contributions over the next five years alone to ensure we restore even more smiles of children.”

Thank you to all who have supported my personal campaign or have supported operation smile in some fashion. You are making a difference and for that I SINCERELY THANK YOU! 

I Gotta A Feeling...

Waking up to an outdoor temperature registering -27 degrees C , the typical feeling would be damn it's cold out there. Yes even for a Canadian who really should be use to cold winter temperatures. In fact, I won't lie as soon as I opened the door to let my poor dog outside to pee, the thought was holy F$#k its cold. How crazy am I to think my little min pin who is all of 8 lbs would even consider wanting to cock his leg for natures calling. Poor little guy by the time he finishes, he can't decide which paw to hold up from touching the coldness of the snow. I can't even get mad at him for the odd accident inside, I wouldn't want to pee outside in this weather. That's a different story altogether!

In the midst of winter the gift of the blooming hibiscus warms my soul

 While the exterior might be projecting damn its cold out there.. on the inside the feeling of warmth brings comfort like a pair of warm long johns . Yes I GOTTA A FEELING...

I read this morning a beautiful piece from a book called Immortal Diamond that resonated so deeply with me. As Oprah declares the infamous "Ah Ha" moment.

It goes like this " Within us there is an inner, natural dignity. An inherent worthiness that already knows and enjoys. It is an immortal diamond waiting to be mined and is never discovered undesired. It is a reverence humming within you that must be honored." The finisher for me " Once in a while, this True Self becomes radiant and highly visible in one lovely place or person" 

When you experience that feeling, you know there is no turning back. How can you and why would you want to go back? How you see the world and everything in it changes. Its a gripping addictive feeling of the best kind.

Life is a reflection of what we believe, it determines what we can or cannot do. I think I've always known this to be true somewhere inside.

I am a firm believer that if we set our minds to something, there are no limits to what we can achieve. 

It may not be perfect. Why do we need perfection? It may not even be what others think it should be perhaps all that matters is that it is exactly what we believe it to be!! 

Honor yourself..honor what you know to be your true self, I promise you will know it when you feel it! 

Smile Bound- Thank you Guatemala and Operation Smile- Luke found his home

 I've been home just over a week now and it's been hard finding the right words to articulate this journey with Luke . I was given the honor of taking Luke to Guatemala to find a new home and I wondered how will I ever know who the right child is..and how could I only give to one child. All those worries in the grand scheme of this journey  I now realize were trivial. 

How lucky the world is to have such kind, caring and compassionate people who volunteer their time and skill to help others, and how lucky and grateful am I to have spent 7 days with this Operation Smile team to work and learn alongside them.  You can never forget people like this. The Dr's and nurses who came from all over the world and the local Guatemalan team at the hospital and volunteers who came together was a beautiful thing. 

Luke made friends all over the place , receiving lots of hugs and at times playing an important role in providing comfort and smiles when needed the most. He followed the route each child and parent followed during screening, he visited the pre-op area , the OR, and hung out in post op. First hand he got to experience the journey a child went through once arriving at the hospital. 

I came across a quote this week.." I don't know how to do this but something inside me does"  which embodies when you know something deep inside it leads you in the right direction. I am so happy it did.

Screening Day

Handing over the Peace Candle my parents gave me from Keswick United Church during a special mass

Colgate volunteers and PIT team

Medical records set up time- Luke helping out

Luke hanging out in in the PIT

Awesome people

Luke getting checked over by Nurse Cathy and Lucy

Luke following the same route as the kids during screening

In Pediatrics

Speech therapist Erica was busy talking to parents and kids

Hematology

Luke making friends everywhere he went

Dentist visit

Open wide Luke

Hanging in the Electronic Med Rec area

More friends 

Jess and Luke hit it off

Sister Gabriela loves Luke

In the crib 

Putting on his scrub hat

Child Life Specialist and Luke helping the kids to understand what will happen when they enter the OR

Sweet volunteers

After 2 days of screening, time for our team day which brought us to Antigua. The gifts I  found there were in the most unlikely places and they were not material items.  

Local artisans

Volcano beauty

Antigua 

Beauty everywhere

After 7 days what did I learn from this journey:

When you have faith and hope you find the courage to face even the scariest of things and we are never alone

Courage 

The overwhelming sense of unconditional love , kind , compassion and giving of yourself to help others brings joy from the inside out and its the most amazing feeling in the world. We are all humans connected..

The next time I  think I need something...I know I will be pausing and reflecting. 

Before you judge a book by its cover...explore the story inside

Material things are not the path to joy

Be yourself ..take risks..let the walls down 

Love

 On day 2 of surgery Luke found his new home. It wasn't a difficult decision at all, in fact we both knew he belonged with Yesamin. She was as beautiful inside as her story which represented exactly what Operation Smile is about. I am grateful and blessed to have met her and her mother Mary Elizabeth. 

Luke found his home with Yesamin and I know he will be loved

 When I left, Jim, Andrea and I never knew one another, other than the fact we were J&J colleagues. After 7 days we returned home friends and forever connected by sharing in this life changing experience.  Not to mention the friends made along the way  

Photo bomb

 Guatemala and Operation Smile I came home a much better person grateful and blessed for having this experience and the gifts you gave me are forever in my heart. Gracias! 

Thank you

Smile Bound-Update from Guatemala

Luke and I have been in Guatemala for 6 days and so far the experience is beautiful. My room has a great view of the three volcanos!
 Two days of screening brought in 200 families. Many traveled hours by bus with their child (children). The stories are both warming and heartbreaking at the same time. The love they have for their kids you can see in their eyes.
The team of nurses and Dr's are outstanding! Each volunteer their time to be here. For many it isn't their first mission. For some it's their 50+ mission and as they tell me , it's addictive. They are all passionate , kind, caring souls and I love being around this energy.
It is never we can't do it but more how can we find a way!

We spent a team day in Antigua which was stunning. This was the first capital city of Guatemala before an earthquake destroyed the city and they named Guatemala city the capital. Lots of history, churches and people eager to share their culture.

Day 1 of surgery was yesterday and it was beautiful. Twenty children received their new smiles. It was a long day for the kids and their parent but it was worth it. A very emotional day all around.

I wish I spoke Spanish so I could communicate better with the kids and their parents but I've learned a smile, and a hug break thru the barriers!

Today we do it all over again. FEELING GRATEFUL!